I Love You Out Loud

We were discussing the topic of love and appreciation recently when a man got up and unashamedly said, “I have never said ‘I love you’ to my wife.” His statement took me aback. As someone who likes to say “I love you” to my wife and family as often as I can, I couldn’t fathom why anyone would never say it. “Everybody says ‘I love you’, but they don’t really mean it. I show my love to my wife,” he said. From their expressions, I could see that the others were also befuddled. 
Two weak assumptions glared out of his statement: 1) People never mean “I love you” when they say it. 2) His wife always understands the love motives behind his actions.
The first assumption I can at least understand; we have become so used to saying things like “I love you” that it becomes void of meaning. The second assumption is a stretch: his wife is somehow supposed to know that he loves her through the things he does. He decides the actions, and she must appreciate. I have known men who feel that eating their wife’s food and then burping is a sign of love. Some people may think that shouting at their spouse is love’s best practice.
When we read the Bible, we see God or Jesus mention His love, even if indirectly, more than a hundred times. He is not ashamed about it. Every time the Bible talks about God’s love for us, we know He means it. It is verbally expressed and demonstrated. When Jesus said, “Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends,” he acted on it. We need to demonstrate love, but we also need to say it. Letting people assume that we love them without verbalizing it leaves the onus of interpreting all our actions on our loved ones. That itself is not loving.
When we tell others we love them, it affirms them. It tells them that we are at least thinking about it and want to show it. I do not advocate saying it at every possible moment, but we should say it often enough that they know we want to express it to them. I write this with love.
Written by Jonny Abraham.
Jonny is the Chief Servant and Delegator of Fusion in New Delhi. He is passionate about servant leadership. In his non-spare time, Jonny consults on leadership training with NGOs, companies and UN agencies. In his spare time, he spares time for a lovely wife and two boisterous daughters.