Teenage years, I find, are the epicentre of awkwardness. On the one hand, the typical teenager is trying to find acceptance and a sense of belonging to some group. On the other hand, he is trying to find what makes him an individual and unique in the midst of his social culture. It often leads to a bizarre mix of fakeness and emotional instability.
When I was a teenager, I would often think about what others thought about me (especially girls) and if I would be labelled as cool. For teens, “cool” has always been a strange word to define, and it has changed in meaning over time. One of the definitions could be “fitting in whilst acting like you don’t care if you do”. There is an irony in this definition because it means that if you are going to be cool, you have to act like you don’t want to be.
Most of the time I failed at being cool. In 12th grade, one boy would write up monthly top 10 lists for our class wall. In the first list, I was in the number one spot where it was written: “Jonny: cool, but not really cool”. I could never teeter the line right between fitting in and not wanting to.
Now, as an adult, I’ve got half of it right: I don’t really care whether I fit in or not, or if people think I do. The other part, as far as actually fitting in, is where I am way off.
It’s almost impossible to follow the way of Christ and fit in. He calls us to be different, deny ourselves and follow him to a path of unpopularity. There was nothing trendy about Jesus dying on the cross. It was the greatest humiliation ever, and we are called to pick up our cross daily and follow him.
We should care for each other and challenge others towards Christlikeness. However, outside of that we shouldn’t care about what others think of us. Here’s why:
1. Jesus already accepts us. We are not in a hormone-driven popularity war anymore. We don’t need other people’s acceptance for our own sense of identity.
2. Constantly thinking about our image will consume us. If we are always thinking about others’ view of us, it will drive us back to a frenzy of unachievable coolness. No one wants to go back there.
3. We will never live up to others’ ideas of who we should be. Basically, we cannot please everyone. We must look to please God, not man. We waste time thinking about how others view us.
Such thinking, I believe, is the base to follow what you believe unhindered. True freedom.
Contributed by Jonny Abraham
Jonny is the Chief Servant and Delegator of Fusion in New Delhi. He is passionate about servant leadership. In his non-spare time, Jonny consults on leadership training with NGOs, companies and UN agencies. In his spare time, he spares time for a lovely wife and two boisterous daughters.
